Listen! I’ll tell you the story of Heaven
Listen! I’ll tell you the story of Hell
Glistening white portraits of martyrs arisen
Charcoal black portraits of traitors who fell
| Heaven is soft Heaven is nice Heaven is cushy and mushy And right Hell is all rotten And so very sad Hell is where little brats go When they’re bad! |
Having fun in Heaven Wish you were here… Good Heavens! You’re in Hell now! And you’re burning Yes you’re yearning To escape from those Eternal flames |
Arrows of lust and those spears that you play with
And anything pointed will just… disappear!
Place your vote now for God’s Eternal Party!
(You’re upper class in the G.E.P.!)
And you need do nothing more than just say the words
And those gates will appear!
| Heaven is members only So one must apply It shines like a country club High in the sky Hell is just like a brothel But oh! the worst kind! It’s disease of the hair, skin, The eyes, and the mind! So listen to me! Yes listen to me! Lest you venture Some treacherous line On some path of your own… Or perhaps you’ll take mine? |
Having fun in Heaven Wish you were here… Good Heavens! You’re in Hell now! And you’re burning Yes you’re yearning To escape from those Eternal flames Don’t you wander too far Don’t you know what you are? You’ve the chance Of a child in a stable And pages of fables By men with the wisdom of God |
Amen.
Awomen.
Aperson.
Heaven is a land of happy hearts
Hell is for you tarts
Heaven hangs above as lovely art
Hell tears you apart
Heaven, Heaven, Heaven’s very picky
Bring your resume and pictures
Hell will take you now
In Heaven we will be divine in our mirrors
Oh! Oh! It’s getting hotter and hotter and hotter
Forsake me for dead!
Oh! Pour me some water upon my poor head
As it turns out some are perfect forever!
Leaving those out to be bad through and through!
All those discrepancies scarring the species
Purged from without, well now WHICH ONE ARE YOU???
| Some are good, some are bad Some are gay, some are sad Some are black, some are white Some are wrong, some are right Some are poor, some have wealth Some are sick, some have health Some don’t know, and some do I’m with God, how about you? |
Having fun in Heaven Wish you were here… Good Heavens! You’re in Hell now! And you’re burning Yes you’re yearning To escape from those Eternal flames! |
| There’s a land That will always be grand And it’s Heaven! It’s Heaven! It’s Heaven! It’s Heaven! Oh yes! There’s a Book That will never be banned It’s the Story of Heaven! Oh Heaven! Oh Heaven! Oh yes! |
Heaven is lovely Heaven is pure It’s bloated and coated With shades of velour Yes Heaven is fragrant All flowers and doves Heaven’s unblushing With gushing self-love! |
| There’s a place You’ll eternally die And it’s Hell! Oh it’s Hell! Oh it’s Hell! Oh it’s Hell! Oh it’s Hell! There’s a place You must eat your own eye There is Hell! There is Hell! There is Hell! |
Hell is everything ugly An itch with no cure It’s smothered and covered With dripping manure! Hell is eternal prison God grants no parole To Hell you will go If you play the wrong role! |
| There are good little girls There are bad little girls There are bitches with spikes There are angels with curls! There are good little boys There are bad little boys There are bastards who fight There are heirs to our joys! |
In Heaven Wish you were here… Good Heavens! You’re in Hell now! And you’re burning Yes you’re yearning To escape from those Eternal flames... |
| There are good little women And bad women too There are virgins in white There are whores drinking brew! There are good little men There are bad little men There are… |
In Heaven Wish you were here… Good Heavens! You’re in Hell now! And you’re burning Yes… |
…But Daddy, what will I do?
When will I laugh?
What will delight my arrows and spears?
It sounds like no fun at all…
Please get the Heaven out of here!
© Cory Patrick Cullinan
Credits
Voice & synthesizer Cory Cullinan
Boy’s voice James Scott Chowning
Baritone voice Perry Cook
Electric guitar Jay Kadis
Acoustic guitar Howard Kadis
Pipe organ David Yearsley
Double bass Tim Spears
Notes
Some people love The Story Of Heaven and some people are offended by it. If you’re in the latter category, don’t worry — if you’re right, I’ll pay for it in the afterlife.
Philosophy aside, this was one of the most challenging and fun pieces to put together in the production stage, as it is an elaborate and wild fusion of flamenco, fugue, choral music, pop, and, because his dad was my college advisor, electronic music pioneer John Chowning‘s little boy on vocals…
It also features the guitar playing of the Kadis brothers, Howard on the nylon string and Jay on the electric. The pipe organ heard is a huge and rare instrument that is part of a concert hall in a private home in California which was graciously made available to us to record this song. This song was an absolute nightmare for the meticulously talented Phil Blackford to mix, so hats off to him.